The Choice to Believe Illusions
Sacred Longing and the Choice to Believe
September 16, 2026
dialogue

The Choice to Believe Illusions

La Elección de Creer Ilusiones

A meditation practice met with total certainty, yet the mind seemed to turn the breath into a strategy. This dialogue examines what is actually sticky, why belief in a narrative is a choice, and why the sense of a solid self is only an appearance.

The Choice to Believe Illusions

A meditation practice met with total certainty, yet the mind seemed to turn the breath into a strategy. This dialogue examines what is actually sticky, why belief in a narrative is a choice, and why the sense of a solid self is only an appearance.

During the meditation, there was a hundred percent certainty arising in what you were saying. What you were pointing to was fully accepted, no doubt, complete certainty in this settling into nothingness. It was quite striking. There was also strong resonance with what you said about letting the breath remind me if there is any stickiness to experience, any movement into thought, any getting tangled up. Just let the breath remind you, allowing everything to come to the surface, open to everything. There was full resonance with that. But then something was noticed: a worry that the mind can turn this into a strategy. Repeatedly doing "just let the breath remind you" becomes a strategy of the mind, and then it can get stuck, sticky. This seemed to contradict the resonance. I wanted to voice it, because the mind is so tricky, and I don't know where to go with it.

There is something right there in what you are saying, and I will bring it back to you as a question. What is it that is sticky? You spoke about the mind, but you also spoke about a strategy. What is the strategy for? What is it intending to get? I can tell you, but I am curious what comes for you.

The strategy I am referring to is the habit of noticing myself going into thoughts, getting tangled in them, believing them, and then using the breath as a reminder.

A reminder of what?

Of what is actually happening. The breath reminds you of what is true, what is real. This moment.

Just this.

Just this.

The nature of what seems sticky

Let's focus on what it is that seems sticky. It has to do with thoughts, doesn't it? The only thing that experientially appears to be sticky is something related to thoughts. The core of it is this: all of direct experience, sensation, perception, sound, sight. The breath is in that realm. Because the breath is a necessary cycle of movement with very specific sensations, it becomes a reminder. That is why the breath has been such a common and powerful aspect of nearly every meditation tradition. It brings us out of the mind's interpretation, out of the maps and the thoughts, into direct sensation. But the way you are describing it, this becomes a kind of strategy.

What the breath can help with is noticing what appears to be not moving. One cannot be stuck to, attached to, or identified with something that is always coming and going. If it disappears all the time, one cannot identify with it. One can only identify with something that seems to have a somewhat permanent nature. And it also has to be an object, meaning something that is appearing. Because all sensation and perception come and go, we need, in a sense, to fabricate something that appears more permanent.

Two things that can seem permanent

Two things in our experience can do this. One is sensation. If I make a permanent sensation out of the breath, I will die. The breath cannot become an identity, because it always has to change, to end and begin. The inhale has to die into the exhale. But the sensation of attention in the head, or in the chest, or a contraction in the face, is different. I can be subtly contracted in deep parts of the body, and because that contraction is a repeating, seemingly permanent sensation, I can always return to it. "Here I am. This is I."

Yet the sensation itself is not something I can identify with. I have to identify with an image that is overlaid on that sensation. Usually that image is a character, a form of what I think I look like in a mirror, what I think the shape of my body is. It is overlaid on sensation, and then there is this image I can recreate constantly. "There I am. There I am. I am always here."

But even this comes and goes, because the mind cannot preserve an image over an extended period. Try to create an image and hold it. Close your eyes and think only of a circle for three minutes. You will find it impossible. The circle comes and goes. It shifts. A square appears, then the circle again. It is a constant illusion of a circle coming and going. This is why attachment to the sense of self is so distressing. This is the nature of dukkha, of dissatisfaction. I am always on the verge of disappearing, always on the effort side of having to remain and recreate this.

The narrative on top of the image

Now, back to what you raised. On top of this image there is a narrative, and that is the easier part of what we identify with. I can have a sense that something is missing, that the thing I need is available tomorrow through some shift in the meditation. That narrative becomes a subtle construct present while I sit. But every narrative, even one I recreate and hold ("I need this, I need this"), still comes and goes. That is why we have a set of narratives. When one gets tired, another fills its place.

So the breath reminds us that everything is coming and going, and also that whatever appears is not a problem, even the need itself. This returns us to your question. As you watch this, a strategy appears, and with it the sense that now you are getting attached to a strategy as a way to resolve the thing. There is an intuitive sense that this is something to look at. That is why I asked: what is it you want to get? What is the need the strategy serves? Once you see what it is about, notice that this too comes and goes. It will be a narrative, a story, a need, and it comes and goes. All strategies aim at something unattainable. They all fail, because they are all about getting to something in the next moment, which is only imagined.

The need does not need solving

Yes. So the attachment to the narrative is the need. And this need does not need solving.

Exactly. There is an attachment to a narrative. You recognize it. But the attachment itself comes and goes. And the strategy to solve the attachment also comes and goes. It is another narrative. There is no inherent problem in attachment itself. Liberation is not through ending the attachment. It is through seeing that it is not real.

But the attachment to the narrative creates belief, and that creates strong emotion.

The attachment to a narrative is the belief. It does not create it. That is an important distinction. It is not that there is an attachment to a thing, and now I need a strategy to resolve it, and then a belief is created that produces emotion.

Let me clarify. By attachment I mean that I get drawn into believing what the narrative is saying.

The trick there is to see more directly the nature of the attachment, the nature of the narrative, the nature of belief itself. Part of what you are saying grants a certain reality to a thing that it does not have. There is a pretext that the attachment is a real thing that needs to be resolved.

Believing is a choice

Yes. It comes down to this point of believing what the narrative says, and using the breath as a reminder.

Let's go into believing. Believing a narrative is a choice. Believing is not happening to you through some otherworldly force. It is not happening because an external entity is forcing you, nor because of something in the past. It is happening right now, in this moment, because there is a choice to believe. Freedom itself is looking at something that appears unfree and saying, "Yes, I am that, I am that." We are choosing to experience the illusion.

The instant we interpret what is happening as "something is happening to me, I am attached, I have a belief, I am stuck in this thick thing I am trying to get out of," that is the nature of the illusion itself. All of it is illusory. There is no self being trapped in a thing it cannot escape. That is the illusion. An illusion can only appear through ongoing false statements, ongoing illusory narratives. The narrative that "I have a belief, I am attached, I need to resolve it, it is hard, I cannot," all of that is the false narrative. So the way out is to see, "Yes, I like believing that. I am enjoying it. I am choosing it." Not the person you take yourself to be, but whatever I am, whatever this is, is choosing to be immersed in that illusion. Ultimately, to let go of it is a choice. You might even recognize, "I don't like that. I don't want to let go of it." But when you look closely, you will see that all strategies to become free are just more of the illusion, because they begin from the assumption that you are not free, which is the illusion.

You say it is a choice. Then why can't I just drop the belief?

Because it is your choice. You do not drop the belief because you do not want to.

But it is causing problems.

The delight in the trouble

Now we are getting into an interesting place. It seems like this is happening to you against your will. What if that is not true? What if you are delighting in the experience of the trouble this is causing?

I have gone quite far into the meditation. I had absolute resonance with what you were saying. I do not have a strong holding consciously. I am just seeing. There is no story, just seeing.

But you just said something. You asked, "Why would I choose this if it is causing so much trouble?" Take a look at that. Let's do it as an experiment. Don't take my word for it as truth or dogma. What if you are choosing this in spite of the trouble, for reasons other than the trouble, or possibly including the trouble, but other reasons as well? We make many choices that create problems yet still carry an intent. So many human choices have consequences that are not ideal, yet there is some benefit to them.

I can't see any benefit in holding on.

I know. And I am suggesting you consider that you might not yet be seeing the benefit.

It could be timing. Perhaps it has not come up to be seen yet.

Yes, and also because you have not looked.

A new drawer to open.

What is in there? Because if the illusion and the attachment are happening to you, there is a duality. Something is forcing an illusion or an attachment onto you. Now there are two entities, one creating the illusion and one receiving it or being forced into it. I am challenging that as a belief, because that assumption contains a very subtle duality. I use that word because people in a group like this are fairly convinced, intellectually at least, that duality is not real. So it may be easier to see: "Yes, that must be false, even intellectually."

The otherness that seems to impose the illusion

What is this other entity creating and enforcing the illusion on you? It can take many forms. It can be God. It can be the past, the conditioning of the mind, my parents, society. Some otherness, some past otherness, present in this moment. The mind, the body, society. There is this otherness imposing illusion on me, and here I am, poor me, trying to be free of it, trying so hard, and it is so difficult. That otherness is exactly what I am questioning. What if you are the one imposing this illusion?

I have a strong willingness to look further. I am also aware of a blind spot, something that just feels so much like me that I never question it. I simply take it. It cannot be seen because it feels too close, too much like me. This feeling of it happening to me is still strong. I allow it to come up. I am aware of it, and I am not trying to solve it, but I know it is something.

All you need to do there is ask: what is this me that this is happening to, and what is the "it" that is making it happen to me?

Like self-inquiry. I do that.

Look at it specifically in that aspect. When there is this sense of attachment, of something happening to me but coming from an otherness, and there is a me-ness it is happening to, and that me-ness is the one trying to be free from the thing imposing the lack of freedom, all of that is the illusion. It is a much more subtle aspect of it, and it is a choice. There is no separate entity choosing to have illusion imposed upon itself. There is the creation of the illusion of an entity receiving something imposed by an otherness. That imagination, that narrative, is then believed to be real.

The me-ness that appears solid

Yes. This me-ness is absolutely the thing here. It is so solid and confirming. It is like my mother-in-law, every day. I can see so much of this me-ness in her, and it reaffirms itself.

Look at what you just said. You said there is this me-ness that is very solid. It is not. It appears to be. It is not solid at all.

I can't find it, but I feel it.

It feels like it is very solid. If I let you continue and agreed with you, I would allow you to go on with an illusion. I hear you. To you it feels, it appears, to be very solid. But I would rather you consider the very language you use: it looks like it, it feels like it, it appears to be very solid. And I will tell you, it is not.

I was just trying to describe what was appearing, and what the problem is. I did not really believe that this is me.

I am not so sure, because the illusion comes on that quickly. You could be completely clear, sitting, meditating, and the instant you go into it, it is real again, and you begin speaking from it as if it is real. In one second to the next you are speaking from it, and it is real to you in that moment. I am asking you to speak about it with language that is accurate and true to you. And I think it is honest for you to say, "It appears like that." Another person might say, "No, it is real, it is true, it is solid, it is not an appearance, it is how it is." But you could use language that is honest and true for you: "Yes, it does appear, it feels real, but I can see that this is just how it is appearing."

It is like the quality of a taste, what it tastes like. And also seeing the quality of what it tastes like, the different qualities of what it feels like. At that point it is not a belief, because you are tasting what it feels like. And despite clearly seeing what is appearing, being able to feel what it feels like and to see that it is a problem, then I am not the problem.

Two worlds apart

When we use language, we are referring to something. But there is a great difference between the experience of "this attachment is very real" and "it appears to be very real." "It is real, it is solid" versus "it seems so real, it seems so solid." Those are worlds apart, because one is completely the road into illusion. You can sit or walk around with that train of illusion running: "How do I get rid of it?" And so the strategy, the breath, the meditation, the satsang. Or there is: "This is how it is appearing." The moment one relates to experience as "this appears, it seems very real, but I am aware it appears to be real. Is it real? I don't know. Sometimes I am convinced it is. But I am suspicious of all appearances when they claim to be real, or when I claim them to be real. I am doubtful." That is a very good place, including the sense of attachment, the sense of separation, all of it.

The more we see this way, the more power there is in it. When there is a bit of suspicion around the apparent reality, not much more needs to be done. The second we say, "That is reality, and I am stuck in the thing I am trying to get out of," that is what makes the illusion propagate.

Yes, including all illusions. That really cleared out a lot. Thank you.

Worry appearing and disappearing.