Sharing and the Question of Motive
Compartir y la pregunta del motivo
A student reflects on her tendency to overshare in moments of vulnerability, and on how asking "why" helps her step out of that pattern. The teacher responds by exploring the role of motive in sharing and the art of bringing oneself fully into relationship.
Sharing and the Question of Motive
A student reflects on her tendency to overshare in moments of vulnerability, and on how asking "why" helps her step out of that pattern. The teacher responds by exploring the role of motive in sharing and the art of bringing oneself fully into relationship.
Much of what was on my mind has already been said, but I wanted to add something. When I go deep, I feel a need to share everything that's in my heart, to put everything out. Sometimes I get the feeling that I've overshared, and I recognize that as part of my shadow.
What takes me out of it is exactly the question "why." What is my motivation behind this sharing? That works like magic for me. It helps me and pulls me out of that shadow.
The rabbit hole of expectation
Sometimes the mind takes me down a rabbit hole: "Did I overshare? Was it too much? I feel so vulnerable. Was it okay?" There's also expectation. Sometimes I expect the other person to share at the same level. Maybe I even get that, but it doesn't feel that way, because it didn't meet my expectation. Then I find myself there again and think, "Oh, I'm doing it again." So the "why" is really helpful. Thank you for your sharing; it helped me as well.
You're welcome, and thank you for yours. I was actually using that same word in a conversation about this outside of the group. What is the motive? What is one trying to get?
Neediness versus offering
That's where neediness comes in: wanting somebody else to make it okay for oneself. "I'm bringing this here so you can make it okay for me." Compare that with: "I'm okay, but I'm also bringing everything that's here for me, because it's important for the relationship." It always comes down to context.
There's a whole art to this, because it applies to all relationships. It could be romantic, it could be family, it could be a group. Every moment has a different need and a different form.
Sharing with something larger
Something you said that I'm going to keep with me is that this sensation, this feeling, is also an opportunity to create a relationship with the creator of the universe, the cosmos, something larger. Simply to share it there. That was a beautiful way of putting everything on the table. I had a hint of it before, but I had never framed it that way, and it's so helpful. Thank you.
You're welcome. Thank you for sharing.