Permission to Be Playful
Permiso para ser juguetón
A student describes an inner urge to be playful and a sense that society doesn't allow for it. The teacher questions that belief, shares a story from a café, and explores where the fear of standing out comes from and why the motive behind play matters.
Permission to Be Playful
A student describes an inner urge to be playful and a sense that society doesn't allow for it. The teacher questions that belief, shares a story from a café, and explores where the fear of standing out comes from and why the motive behind play matters.
I'd like there to be a space where adults can act like kids, but I can't find one except on my own. There's something inside that just wants to be playful, to not give a damn. But it doesn't always seem appropriate, and that feels restrictive. I guess that's just the nature of society as it is.
It really depends. There might be places where it isn't welcome, and there might be many places where it is. Really, it isn't about appropriateness at all. Playfulness just isn't common, and that's fine. There's an idea that you can't be playful because of how people might respond, right?
I worry about scaring people. I scare my parents sometimes, even though they're quite used to my antics.
What's the problem with scaring people? It all depends on how you do it. And you probably won't always scare people. That's where the exploration is. But I would invite you not to hold on to the belief that you can't be playful because of society. If your nature carries this call for the creative act of play, there's plenty of room for it. You can even do it professionally.
A coffee order
It happens for me too. At times I have that mood or that energy. I go into a café and I don't ask for a coffee in the normal way. Some baristas might look at me as if I'm being totally weird, but more often than not, they crack up because they're surprised.
Yesterday I was at the café downstairs. The barista was making my coffee on a very tall machine that sat on the counter between us. She was asking whether I wanted decaf and how my day was going. So instead of talking around the side, I went behind the machine, and every time I answered a question, I popped my head up. When she asked, "Decaf?" I came up and said, "Yes, please," and then disappeared again. She laughed and asked another question, but this time I popped up on a different side. My answers kept appearing from different places, and she started cracking up. I was having fun. Normally I would just say, "Yes, it's a good day," or something like that.
Another person might have responded with, "What a weirdo," and then I would have stopped. So what's the problem?
Maybe there's a fear of being ostracized. Though that's an extreme way to put it.
The tribal fear of standing out
Ostracism isn't that real anymore. But it helps to see where the fear comes from. It comes from very tribal conditioning, probably even from our genes. People who were outsiders in some way, if their tribe didn't have a place for them as the shaman or the clown, probably didn't have a good time. That's why the "normal" gene is more common: those with the non-normal gene didn't do so well. And yet the non-normals are the ones who move evolution and transformation forward.
You could affect somebody. Maybe that barista was having a boring or stressful morning, and there was a moment of laughter. But I wasn't going for anything. I was almost having fun for myself. And because I wasn't trying to do anything, the response was probably better. If I'm trying to achieve something, that's very different. It also isn't what I normally do. That was the first time, even though I go there almost every day.
So it surprised her.
Yes.
We also live in a pretty non-normal part of town.
That's true. There are a lot of wacky people around here, and we chose to live here partly because of that. It's the historic center of the city, but it's also where the people who don't fit into society end up: people dealing with drug addiction and mental instability. It would be very hard to be the craziest person here. I couldn't do it if I tried.
So you're in a community of weirdos now. A perfect opportunity.
Exactly. My teacher always talked about the non-normals. He was their champion. He would say, "All the non-normals come to me. I embrace them all." He celebrated the weird.
Where the play comes from
It's always a learning and an art: where is it coming from? What's the motive? Is it playfulness for its own sake, for joy?
Sometimes the person on the receiving end is too stuck up, too solemn and serious and cut off, to respond. But you never really know what happens later. They might not respond in the moment, but that evening they might think, "There was that guy..." That strange moment might stay with them. It can affect somebody in ways you can't predict.
It's like giving other people permission to be weird too.
That's what I'm referring to. It can break somebody's shell of normalness. But if you do it for that purpose, it changes.
Then it becomes really weird.
Right. Unless you're a professional, like a comedian or an actor, where people come to experience you for exactly that.
I bought a skateboard the other day because something in me wanted to skateboard, and I sprained my wrist immediately. But it's in line with all of this. I'm still going to skateboard. It felt good. There's this little guy inside who just wants to skateboard again.
I laughed when you said you sprained your wrist, but I'm laughing with you, not at you.
I find it funny anyway.